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February 07 2018

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theonion:

DALLAS—Confirming that the woman he has been dating since last year is “the whole package,” local man Tim Gurtz told reporters Monday his absolutely perfect girlfriend, Sasha Klein, blames herself for everything. “We get along so well we hardly ever fight, but when we do, she immediately backs down, says it’s all her fault, and then apologizes,” said Gurtz, adding that he knew Klein was the perfect girl for him on their first date, when he was 40 minutes late to meet her at a restaurant and she blamed herself for having made the reservation too early. “Whenever I’m feeling upset or frustrated, she’s always there to put her arms around me and tell me she’s to blame for everything. She’s just the best.” At press time, sources reported that Klein had broken up with Gurtz after blaming herself for not being good enough for him.

viciere:

grovericon:

I will never forget the time I asked a little girl how old she was and she said “6 but I’ve been alive like 30 years”

bitch me too the fuck

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kapreysun:

the fbi man is getting real tired of me laughing at the same meme five times

vikingofficial:

greenbaconsmoothie:

just-shower-thoughts:

If you wore a vr headset linked to a camera drone that was set to follow you from a few feet behind you could live in third person.

disassociating

If you can’t dissociate naturally store bought is fine

jehovahhthickness:

Leave quiet people alone. Stop forcing them to talk if they don’t want to.

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lesbiandaydream:

immortaladonis:

Marc Jacobs’s party dress code

@boringangel

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satinbpd:

hey uh brain can you stop fantasizing about various ways you could die for five seconds

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sunnysundown:

geekygothgirl:

jmiah0192:

Japanese child actress Mana Ashida (little Mako) was embarrassed that she couldn’t pronounce Guillermo Del Toro’s name so he gave her special permission to call him “Totoro-san” instead.

My Neighbor Guillermo Del Toro.

If I don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead.

Guillermo del Totoro

stimmystuffs:

im rlly whatever the opposite of a manic pixie dream girl is.,. depressed goblin nightmare man . thatsa me

watsonshoneybee:

lads had a dream last night that i was at the elton john concert and halfway through crocodile rock he switched to a prince medley and real live flesh and blood prince walked out on stage, and into the stunned, hushed silence i said quietly, “i thought you were dead” and he looked straight at me through the crowds of a million people, put his mouth against the mic, and said “do i look like the kind of man who dies” absolute legend 

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sylveonwishes:

shiny mew! ☆

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beatlesarthistory:

Golden Tears by Anne-Marie Zilberman (inspired by Gustav Klimt) // “Golden Slumbers” by The Beatles

bob-belcher:

Me: is this job really worth it????

My bills:

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sansarya:

Newt and Hagrid calling themselves mother of their creatures. 

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